Learn to Speak Nillanese

WHAT DOES NILLA MEAN?

The meaning of Nilla depends entirely on the Nilla saying it, the Nilla hearing it, and what happened approximately three seconds before it was said.

It can mean friend.

It can mean where is everyone at?

It can mean you have got to be kidding me.

It can mean I love you.

It can mean we're about to have a problem.

Sometimes it means all five.

Context is important.

THE OFFICIAL NILLA MEANING

People occasionally search for the Nilla meaning or My Nilla meaning, apparently believing there must be an official definition somewhere.

There is now.

Nilla — noun

A person whose exact relationship to you can only be determined by tone of voice, facial expression, surrounding circumstances and whether they're currently getting on your nerves.

See also:

I'm That Nilla.

100% Nilla.

This Nilla Life Chose Me.

This Nilla Here.

If you understand the difference between all seven without needing an explanation...

YOU SPEAK NILLANESE.

BASIC NILLANESE

If you're just getting started, these are considered introductory Nillanese:

A classic. Warm. Familiar. Appropriate for almost any occasion.

The traditional Nillanese greeting.

Usually indicates skepticism, disbelief, annoyance, or that somebody has just said something incredibly stupid.

“What Up Nilla?” can be interchanged with “What's Good Nilla?”

Advanced greeting. Combines familiarity with proper Nillanese sentence construction.

Congratulations.

You're conversational.

ADVANCED NILLANESE

Once you've mastered the basics, you're ready for more sophisticated expressions.

“I Wish A Nilla Would.”

A warning. Technically.

A declaration of independence.

Used to determine whether the appropriate Nillas are currently present.

Sentiment, appreciation, emotion.

Complicated, but don't tell anyone.

Less complicated. Comes with attitude.

Plural Nillanese. Also usually a warning.

“Nillas in Paris.”

International Nillanese.

Yes, it's listed twice.

You'll use it a lot.

NILLANESE GRAMMAR

Nillanese is remarkably easy to learn because almost everything you already know about English still applies.

Singular: Nilla

Plural: Nillas

Possessive: Nilla’s

Term of endearment: My Nilla

Question: What Up Nilla?

Disbelief: Nilla Please.

Extreme disbelief: NILLA PLEASE.

The capitalization changes the meaning.

Obviously.

CAN ANYONE SPEAK NILLANESE?

Yes.

That's kind of the point.

Nillanese belongs to everybody.

There are no membership cards, applications, background checks, geographic restrictions, secret handshakes, or pronunciation tests.

If you've ever looked at somebody and thought,

“This Nilla Here…”

you were already halfway there.

THE NILLANESE DICTIONARY

Every language needs a dictionary.

Regrettably, this is ours.

There are two basic forms of Nillanese.

There are the Nillas you are.

And there are the things Nillas say.

Choose wisely.

WHAT KIND OF NILLA ARE YOU?

Some Nillas are born this way.

Others become one through a series of questionable life decisions.

The original. The identifier. Own it.

A classic. A Nilla recognized as one of your own.

No dilution. No substitutes. No explanation necessary.

A Nilla who embodies exactly the qualities necessary for the situation.

A Nilla whose Nilla credentials are definitely beyond dispute.

A Nilla with authority, confidence, attitude, or at least the firm belief that they possess all three.

Possibly complicated, definitely fulfilling.

You know one. Unfortunately.

Multiple Nillas. The crew mentality. One collective problem.

International Nillas. No passport required.

A Nilla who accepts no responsibility whatsoever for how any of this happened.

A Nilla possessing an unexplained reserve of determination, confidence, stubbornness, or questionable decision-making.

Could be short physically or mentally. Might be a term of endearment.

A Nilla who, through lack of experience or intellect, consistently makes the wrong decision.

A Nilla who would rather avoid the drama, stay home, and remain completely uninvolved in whatever petty event is currently unfolding.

Two or more Nillas united against whatever the world may throw their way.

A Nilla who lightens the mood of everyone around them. Sometimes intentionally.

A Nilla who stands for what they believe in regardless of outside influence. A reliable Nilla.

The Nilla currently running the show, whether officially appointed or simply impossible to ignore.

A working Nilla. A hustling Nilla. Bills exist and this Nilla intends to pay them.

Never forgets a slight and may spend an unreasonable amount of effort making sure you do not forget it either.

A Nilla with supreme confidence, command presence and absolutely no intention of asking permission.

A Nilla who knows exactly who she is, expects the room to catch up and does not require approval.

The event. The catastrophe. The thing people will eventually claim they survived.

THINGS NILLAS SAY

Knowing what kind of Nilla you are is only half the language.

Eventually, you're going to have to speak.

The traditional Nillanese greeting.

Suitable for friends, acquaintances, unexpected arrivals, and Nillas you haven't seen in a minute.

See: What Up Nilla?

Slightly different delivery. Same general Nilla.

An expression of skepticism, disbelief, annoyance, dismissal, or complete refusal to accept whatever nonsense has just occurred.

A warning.

Technically.

Usually spoken immediately after hearing something you are reasonably certain you did not hear correctly.

An invitation. Whether accepting that invitation is a good idea depends heavily on context.

An expression of affection, appreciation, respect, or general Nilla solidarity.

Similar to Much Love Nilla. Slightly more philosophical.

A sophisticated linguistic trap. Results vary.

A perfectly reasonable request that becomes considerably less reasonable when an entire room asks simultaneously.

It's time to go, My Nilla. Questions later.

Yup. Sing it in your head.

Could be serious. Could be joking. Tone is doing a lot of work here. Ask the Parrot.

A declaration made when somebody talks down to you, disrespects you, or forgets exactly who they're dealing with.

Something you say—or sing—when that special Nilla is gone.

For those moments when it becomes obvious the entire world has conspired against you personally.

Walk into the room. Say it. Find your people.

The act—or art—of hanging out with your crew while maintaining the proper vibe.

A statement made when you know you messed up and, unfortunately, this one is actually your fault.

A statement made when injustice has been brought down upon someone you care about.

You could be up to no good. You could be standing up for what's right. Could be something in between.

A warning issued when someone is annoying you, but circumstances currently prevent a more appropriate response.

Someone has seriously misunderstood your patience, intentions or willingness to tolerate their behavior.

Said when someone is behaving irrationally, exaggerating or doing entirely too much.

A demand to stop judging, interrupting, correcting or otherwise bothering a Nilla who is simply trying to exist.

A request for someone to retrieve or control a person whose behavior has become excessive.

A declaration that the speaker is done arguing, explaining or caring enough to continue the discussion.

A request for confirmation that the other Nilla understands exactly what is being said.

Someone has made a decision so unreasonable that good judgment appears to have completely disappeared.

NILLA CLOTHING

Eventually every language develops literature, art, music and culturally significant artifacts.

We developed Nilla shirts. Close enough.

The My Nillas collection includes Nilla T-shirts, Nilla clothing and My Nilla merch featuring sayings from across the Nillanese language.

There's a My Nilla shirt.

There's a Nilla Please shirt.

There are shirts for Nillas With Attitude.

There are shirts that probably require considerably more explanation.

Wear responsibly.

WELCOME TO MY NILLAS

Nillanese wasn't invented to make English more complicated.

English was doing perfectly fine with that on its own.

We just replaced one word. Turns out that was enough.

MY NILLAS

One word. Endless possibilities.